Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you
may hear your servant cursing you -- for you know in your heart that many times
you yourself have cursed others (Eccl. 7:21-22).
We all remember the little
rhyme our parents taught us. “Sticks and
stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” It was meant to steel us against the sting of
the unkind words of our peers during the sometimes perilous process of growing
up. The fact that we had to be taught
the little ditty is testimony that our parents knew we actually could be hurt by words said to or about
us, especially as youngsters. I remember
my mother being very concerned about this issue. She took great care to caution me with utmost
seriousness before my first day of school. “Don’t let the other kids know your
real first name is Paul, they’ll start calling you P.P.” (Paul Paulus). I suppose hardly a worse fate could befall a
six year old. Maybe it was just parental
regret over a naming error. Anyhow, my
middle name, Steve, always stuck.
There is some wisdom in the
sticks and stones adage, though. It
seems we were of hardier emotional stock then; less sensitive, more able to
roll with the punches. Now it seems we
are hyper-sensitive, and need to be protected by things like campus speech
codes. I know this is politically incorrect, but it’s true. Nevertheless, words
are important and have the power to
bless or curse. We need to be vigilant
over what comes out of our mouths, especially with our spouses and children.
As the proverb says, “The tongue has the power of life and death
and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Prov. 18:21). Learning the discipline of godly speech is
among the most important tasks of a disciple of Jesus Christ. “Do not
let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for
building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who
listen” (Eph. 4:29). James says “If anyone considers himself religious and
yet does not keep a tight reign on his tongue, he deceives himself and his
religion is worthless” (James 1:26).
But for every truth there is a distortion or even a heresy. Teaching
about speech has been distorted in some circles, giving words almost god-like
power. While we must understand the power of our speech and teach our families
to speak life, we cannot give words more power than they really possess. “Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting
swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest” (Prov. 26:2).
When people speak evil about
us, many times we need to learn to let it go.
We’re often too thin-skinned. By all means we needn’t spend time trying
to find out every word others have spoken about us. In leaders, especially, this is a sign of
unhealthy, or even cultish, paranoia. 19th
century London pastor C.H. Spurgeon put it this way in a fascinating chapter of
Lectures to My Students entitled,
“The Blind Eye and the Deaf Ear.”
Some
are childishly anxious to know their friend’s opinion of them, and if it
contain the smallest element of dissent or censure, they regard him as an enemy
forthwith. Surely we are not popes and
do not wish our hearers to regard us as infallible! We have known men to become
quite enraged at a perfectly fair and reasonable remark, and regard an honest
friend as an opponent who delighted to find fault . . . How much better is
gentle forbearance! You must be able to
bear criticism or you are not fit to be at the head of a congregation; and you
must let the critic go without reckoning him among your deadly foes or you will
prove yourself a mere weakling. It is
wisest always to show double kindness where you have been severely handled by
one who thought it his duty to do so, for he is probably an honest man and
worth winning” (C.H. Spurgeon, Lectures
to My Students, Second Series, p. 169).
Words can have tremendous
destructive power because they can express contempt, hatred and rejection in
place of love and affirmation. In the days ahead the followers of Christ may be
subject to much public ridicule.
Sometimes we need to let criticism roll of our backs and follow Peter’s
instruction, “Always be prepared to give
an answer to everyone who gives you to give a reason for the hope that you
have. But do this with gentleness and
respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously
against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander” (I
Peter 3:15-16). With Paul we must be
ready to “take up the shield of faith,
with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one” (Eph.
6:16).
Finally, we must imitate our
savior. “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he
suffered he made no threats. Instead, he
entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die
to sins and live to righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed” (I
Peter 2:23-24). We are who Christ says we are, not who our detractors claim we
are. Sticks and stones…
